Often we say as parents " I don't want to push him/ her " why? What is going to happen ? What is it that we as parents are ultimately afraid of?

We hated the" melt down" when they were little but as they've grown so has it .  

Is it the embarrassment of others watching or the fear of explosive rage, or the incomprehensible crying and screaming, The dropping to the ground with the emotional and physical exhaustion apparent for the world to see.

Is it the utter turmoil as the individual can withdraw and become lost behind unseeing eyes as they recoil in their comatose state.

I don't know but I do know that the biggest challenge as a parent is watching your teen become lost, watching them become isolated as they start to regress in the social / emotional steps they have walked before.  They regress back to the safer behaviors of their past, they  hide from the world and its oh so many challenges.

We hear often as parents "I can't do this", " I don't want to go" but sometimes scarily  we hear "I don't want to be here anymore". " I want to die". 

Our hearts rip  apart, our lives change forever. We stop pushing we stop challenging.   We wrap them up in cotton wool and we hold hem as close as we can. We watch, we listen and we pray.

We look for Help, we scream  for it, although so many times we have to wait, we're told to be patient.

We're told they're on the waiting list or according to the " charts" they're not a risk yet as the haven't done anything  and to come back when or if it gets worse.

So we sit, we wait, we watch as our child becomes more isolated, we read everything we can get our hands on and yet everyone says get the out there, but nobody ever tells me HOW.

So I go back to The Beginning

I know what the reaction will be if I push or I challenge, I know how much inner turmoil this causes my child. I know how scared they are, how unsure of the situation they are.  I know because I'm the parent, I know my child, I can not only see their pain.  I feel their pain. How do we do this ? How do we expect them to grow socially and emotionally when everything is causing them pain?

We break each thing down 

We show them how 

We tell them we believe in them 

We walk the journey with them 

Because the alternative of a life locked away in a room isn't the answer.

I worry that they don't have the" street smarts" or an action plan of what to do when things aren't the " norm".

So I sat down with all my teens and we brainstormed about what could be done, how to rely on your " gut feeling "; how to listen to that little voice In your head  commonly known as your " conscience " . Lol  which with our Aspies took us on a whole new path ... So once back on track here are a few ideas that we came up with as well ideas from other individuals on the spectrum...

- Watch people's behavior patterns

- Look at what they want to know about you compared to how long you have - - known them( don't tell new people personal things about you)

- Always have your own rules as to acceptable public behavior ( stick to it)

- If you know it's wrong ... Don't do it ...Make an excuse and leave the situation

- Never go out at night alone

- Always keep your phone on you ( charged)

- Always call for Help if you feel unsafe ( parents would rather be mad and have you safe than Sad and have you dead)!

- Always tell that one person you trust ( whether its a parent or close friend of a long period of time) where you are going or if your not sure about something someone has asked you to do... (Second opinions save lives)

- Never take un-opened drinks from people you don't know

- Decide the maximum amount of money you are prepared to loose if you lend money to someone, never go above it no matter what they say

- If someone's actions, words and behavior towards you changes when around others.. This person  does not have your best interest at heart.

- people who care about you won't force you to do things for friendship

These are just to name a few... Brainstorming is a great way to get inside your teens head and allows us parents to see I they get or I they need us to point it out..

Watching the impact that our " Independent living program"  has had on yet another individual's life, self esteem and confidence.  Witnessing the progress of excepting changes,lowered anxiety, able  to effectively make appropriate desicions, as well as implementing changes as different scenarios arise.

 

Starting to take responsibility for the actions that are demonstrated as well as following through and completing tasks from beginning to end, without constant reminders on what should be done.

This individual has recently  completed several certified  skills to attract employment, utilising successful social interactions and practicing acquired tools and strategies.

Watching "The personal growth of this individual"  makes me realise how important our role is in presenting life through their view not ours.

Well done 

Realistically it is one of the greatest survival tools you can teach them, it incorporates personal  responsibility,decision  making as well as the art of reading situations and scenarios.

How I hear you ask?

Firstly at every opportunity engage your teen in " Brainstorming " discussions about what should and can be done in a range of hypothetical situations.

Instead of telling your teen what you want or expect them to do in any given situation, give them the opportunities to establish different possible outcomes and pathways.

Discussing how and why they came to reach those decisions, if the logic or processing doesn't seem to flow, encourage your teen at those junctions to stop and think what the next stage should come up with a minimum of two scenarios and identify and follow the path to the desired outcome.

This allows them to establish thought patterns, creating their personal tapes for similar scenarios that may arise or them in their futures.

 

 We at Repploy have put the call out to companies ourselves to pick up the challenge, have a close look at the structure of your workplace, current employees and job roles.....

Are they meeting your industry, budget, skills,workforce and competency requirements?

 I have personally found that  the resources to support families and individuals diagnosed with an  ASD in those early years tends to greatly diminish as the individual approaches early adolescents and really seems to be non-existent by the time  they are adults.

In my opinion some  of the challenges are not and cannot be met under the current governmental disability services, mainly due to the vast numbers requiring support and the intense level of support that is required; especially under the employment sectors.

In my experience by the time many individuals on the spectrum reaching the ages of 14 years upwards can be struggling with the social, practical aspects of secondary school;   Now depending on the school, the teachers involved it can and is suggested to many that attend main stream school may not be an appropriate fit for them, or by the time they are 16 years and heading into approximately year 10 of the scholastic system, it has been suggested on occasion that maybe “it would be best to remove the student from school as they are not coping”.

Yet nobody seems to be able to advise where or what they should be doing instead!

What options are out there for the unskilled individuals who are struggling with the work, expectations, social impacts of secondary school, who are already lacking the supports they require?   There arn’t many that are free that’s for sure, so these individuals   start to slip through the cracks and fall into the cycle of “unemployment” with all those additional extras that comes with it.

Now looking on the other side of the coin....

Those on the spectrum who have survived and thrived in the academic sphere; face many challenges of their own.

For example you may have an Individual who has achieved certification and or higher education in their specific field of interest, who are then put through the “job hunting” employment process without the “ social, life and diagnostic”  support services.  These services are required for positive corresponding employment opportunities and or positions that reflect, utilise an individual’s  true potential, skill, passion and supportive credentials.

Bridging these gaps and supporting those transitional steps are the “best tools” to assist individuals on the spectrum in overcoming these challenges.

If as parents and carers these  skills are not taught step by step or mastered at an early age then the barriers tend to increase for many individuals on the spectrum  thus  making it more difficult to form  successful strategies to support  the individual to become the productive, functioning member of society that we all wish for our children to be regardless of NT or ASD.

These barriers for many can seem  incomprehensible at times and yet to most of us NT (neuro typical) they are skills that we don’t even have to think about to perform, really when actually  asked to break tasks  down into steps we struggle to do this). 

By breaking everything down into step by step actions we allow the individual on the spectrum to see the processing thoughts, communication and behavior required to successfully complete the task.  Adding to this the opportunities for  practice, repitition and  to perform trial and error we can form the first stage of supporting individuals on the spectrum. 

The second stage of support is then incorporating and teaching the art of “ flexible thinking “ which then enables the individual on the spectrum to be able to adapt the tools and strategies taught to many different situations.

Being on the spectrum can present many challenges to gaining substantial employment, how we face these challenges really identifies whether we are successful or not.

So what are they and how do we combat them so that it’s possible to gain the employment that best “harnesses” our skills and abilities that makes for the most valuable employee?

First and foremost a vast percentage  of individuals on the spectrum can and do successfully complete certification and or college degrees within their chosen fields of passion and yet struggle to gain employment.

Why?

Research shows us that knowledge and skills of those on the spectrum can and often meet the “Key “criteria of a job application for employers, yet many fail on the “Desirable” criteria required from the employer for a positive “fit” for a vacancy.

This is where we as a society and community “fail” to provide the social support required for successful employment.

Repploy staff understands, identifies and combat these challenges providing the skills, strategies and tools for long term employment engagement that is beneficial to both the employer and the employee.