Yes you've heard it here straight from the horses mouth so to speak. 

Many partners of Aspies complain about the lack of intimacy and touch, many  express their frustration and confusion as to the wall that blocks this important part of a marriage.

So often you hear  " is it me ", or " there must be someone else.

A few years back i knew of a couple who seemed to get along  famously both had great sense of humor, both worked and maintained   a brilliant companionship  within their marriage but had slipped into the friend zone instead of the partner zone.  For over 10 years out of their 11 yr marriage they hadn't been intimate with eachother.  Thus leading too the Mrs  of the partnership to move into the spare room. 

I remember asking her if she had tried to talk to him about how she felt but she said  he just wouldn't see it.  She thought maybe there might be something wrong medically so armed with all the information she set off to have a chat with her doctor.

Now the Dr from all accounts was a nice  chap but to mind didn't really help her much, he suggested that maybe Mr could join them for an appointment too  rule out anything medical,, but maybe in the meantime if she alter her appearance and took some more pride in herself maybe that could make a difference to how her husband saw her.  In his opinion he felt that anyone who hadn't had sex in  10 yrs was obviously cheating or "looking after himself".  So now full of resentment and crushed self esteem off she toddled back home to her partner.

Suspicions began to arise and she  even asked him on a few occasions if there was anyone else to which he firmly denied ( he was so angry  that she would even accuse him of that).

When i caught up with her next i asked how everything was going she said " he had gone to the dr's to shut her up and everything seemed normal", so she was left feeling that  he must have just lost interest in her.

This eventually destroyed their marriage and her self esteem.

I look back on this now with all that i have learned about the Aspie marriage, and so much fits

Mr  didn't like socializing outside of his safety zone

He didn't like to eat or try anything new

he had set routines as to how he spent his time and even down to what and how he ate his dinner 

he disliked touch and remained distant

he had little emotional empathy as to why mrs could be upset or as to why it affected  him.

Could he have been Aspie

 

They can become over whelming especiaslly dependant on the effort  and emotion that he has personally imparted to this particular scenario.

we tend too mistake the irrational outburst of behaviour as an imediate over reaction to what is happening at the time,  yet we forget that this can be his debilatating hurt showing through.  He is stuck, he doesnt know how to process where he is at, and yes his rational self (the one that has learnt to adapt to  life and the curve balls that it occassionally throws) is screaming at  him to get control.

But its too  late .....his mind is racing a million miles an hour filling his self with irrational scenarios of what is happening, or what others are thinking.  He is emotionally cornored, the panic is starting to show!!!

before he knows it he has spun into "attack mode"'the leathel combination of the Aspie Genious and the forked toungue of hatred.

 

This is where he will attack with full throttle untill he can see a way to escape, as soon as that opening presents he will take it.....oblivious at times of what he has said.  You will find him trying to retreat into his safe place......where he may numb his mind and reduce  the  thouught process  of what has occured.  He wont want too visit it later and he wont want too  or cant remember what he has said, but over time we too can help  him too overcome  this strumbling block to recongnise that damage that was also done to him, ways that  he could handle that situation  when it arises again (and it will ).

Every  experience for all of us is a learning curb, for our Adult Aspies feel things more intensly at times  then we realise.